I had a pretty chill easter sunday….and then I heard something that made my ears hotter than buns in a 500 degree oven. My sisters were hanging out with some guy friends, and one of my friends asked the random question about makeup and women and how much guys like. The guys responded in the typical male fashion : they like makeup that looks “natural”, and not over the top(which would be too much bright color all over the place). They further attempted to explain that they prefer a girl who is naturally beautiful or wears little makeup.
Then, somehow, we got to the topic of marriage and singleness. What really shocked me was that some of the guys actually thought it was OK for a woman’s primary desire in life to be a wife and mother. While the previous sentence may make it think that I think such desires are ridiculous, that is not the case. I just have a problem with such an attitude when it comes to your education and general purpose for relationships. I have a problem with women who go to college FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING SOME KIDS. News flash! You don’t have to go to college to get married and have children. There are people who would GREATLY BENEFIT FROM GETTING A COLLEGE DEGREE, and these women are there so they can get married? Give me a break!
It’s one thing to desire marriage. It’s quite another to make your pursuit of it the source of all your behavior, intentions, and goals in your relationships. It’s one thing to desire marriage because you want to share life with someone intimately for life. It is quite another to think that IT IS THE ONLY THING YOU ARE PUT ON EARTH HERE TO DO.
The sad reality is this: women like that are the ones that get the Christian men, because most Christian men still hold to a traditional view of the family—they would rather be the primary breadwinner, while the wife stays home and takes care of the children. They are the current version of the ideal wife modeled nowadays—the Christian Stepford wives who have no independent opinion or voice whatsoever, because they traded their identity and meaning so they wouldn’t be lonely anymore. It’s a contemporary Leave it Beaver situation, and after that insightful discussion and revelation into the Christian male mind, I realized how right I was all along.
Ultimately, I will have to settle with someone significantly older and more mature without kids, which I will not do. The whole thing just makes me wanna holla….
So, the next time someone talks about love and marriage in a discussion towards singles, I’ll shut up and remind myself that this one of my litany of reasons as to why I can’t be more than friends with guys….I have too much of an opinion, brain, and I’ll push back….
Filed under: gender roles, love, singleness | 3 Comments
I am really sorry you feel that way, but do understand. I have been that guy before, just wanting the girl to fit the traditional view, but have learned it is only tradition because we made it so. I just want a wife who will love me for who I am and who God made me to be.
Just a thought though… usually when you think a certain way about relationships, it is also how you think about God…
Yeah, I can see why you would say my perspective about relationships is a reflection of how I see God. Here’s the thing though: I honestly struggle with choices regarding relationships because usually it’s an “either/or” situation, and never a “both/and” scenario. I will post more on this shortly….
Some women to go to colleg to meet men, but at the same time they go to get an education. The education certainly does come in handy if one homeschools the children, helps them with homework or wants them also to go to college. And nowadays, a woman never knows if she will be single again through no fault of her own, so she has to get that education. She owes it to herself. Single parent households are at an all time high.