The Misses: Part 2
Posted by ladyelaine80 on May 22, 2011
The second oft-repeated statement that I hear as a Christian single woman in church circles is the “wait on God for your Boaz.” The problem is that there is very little practical advice in what one is actually supposed to do with this statement, and unfortunately such a miscommunicated statement has led to countless single Christian women putting their lives on hold because of the belief that God will drop the right man for them right in their laps.
I get why some utter this phrase. They really want to offer support, solace, and encouragement. Some are offering this statement from a place of realizing that marriage is hard work-much harder than originally believed when you choose in haste and with compromised judgment. But I also believe that it’s very difficult for someone to discern more specific statements such as, “You’re choosing the wrong type of guys,” or “you’re moving things too fast”, from “wait on the Lord for your Boaz.” I am convinced that perhaps if we were more honest with each other in community about things, then perhaps few would witness (and have to rebuild in the aftermath) such a trail of broken relationships and dysfunctional exchanges.
Let’s get real here. I am convinced that there is a difference between being active and doing what you know to do while you’re waiting, and completely shutting down your life in anticipation for what you’re waiting for. One option is an exercise in wisdom and faith. The other, just plain foolish. I am not anti-waiting. I am anti-foolishness wrapped up in semi-spiritual veneer. So in order to cut through the super spiritual saccharine phrases that dominate some church circles, ask them if they’re saying to “wait on God” because they believe it’s the best advice to give, or they’re saying it because they don’t have a clue what to say and it’s the best fusion of pithy platitude and spiritual ambiguity.
As far as your life goes, live the life you have been called to as this very moment—selflessly, lovingly, kindly, peacefully, fearlessly. While the community can help in your life, they can’t live your life for you.
Miss. Pen & Paper said
The problem with the whole “wait on God” movement is that in the context of getting married, it’s not biblical. As far as I know, nowhere in the bible are we told to take a passive approach to getting married. Preparing for marriage is good, and so is having an active lifestyle while you’re single. But neither of those is a substitute for doing the actual work of seeking a spouse. Telling people to wait on God for a spouse is just plain counter productive. People in more traditional cultures, where they also value marriage, take a practical approach to getting married. None of this waiting for years and decades being productive doing everything else but seeking a spouse. That’s not the approach we take when dealing with anything else we want or need. We should not take this approach with marriage. Especially considering that it is not promoted in the bible and it has produced a few generations of singles who want to be married that aren’t. They’re still waiting for God to bring that person to them, when he has promised to do no such thing. Plus, the longer you wait, the harder it is to get married. We really need to be honest about the damage the whole wait on God teaching has done to the body of Christ, toss it in the trash, and get on with the practical and mature business of seeking a spouse.
Kevin said
I think the whole “waiting on the one” thing has taken a life of it’s own in the church. It’s become one of those sayings that actually doesn’t have much Biblical support. It’s fine to talk of “waiting” in terms of sexual abstinence and not rushing things. But “waiting” has come to mean an over-spiritualized ideal in which we do nothing to find a spouse.
ladyelaine80 said
Agreed. I think it hits on a bigger systemic problem in the body: Poor Relating/Connecting, which is chronically evident in our communication. I would sum it up as utter relational brokenness.